


World Group Chat

by benedicteggs



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Gen, don't take this seriously, group chatting, memes galore, the whole gang - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-30
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-08-27 20:37:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8415871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benedicteggs/pseuds/benedicteggs
Summary: America adds the gang into a group chat and hilarity ensues. [ Chapter 1: England can't stand for universal dabbing ]





	1. dabsfordays

_ America has added Canada, England, France, Russia, China, Germany, Italy, and Japan to “world chat”.  _

  
  


England: america what the fuck 

  
  


_ America has changed username to theworldshero _

  
  


theworldshero: hey arthur 

  
  


_ theworldshero sent photo attachment “dab.png”   _

  
  


England: NO 

  
  


France: what- 

  
  


England:  _ N O  _

  
  


France: lmaooo 

  
  


England: get that trash away from me i s2g 

  
  


_ France sent photo attachment “frenchdab.png”  _

  
  


England: you’re both dead to me. 

  
  


England: d e a d 

  
  


theworldshero: #dabsfordays 

  
  


England: i’m disowning you. mattie’s my new favorite child. 

  
  


_ Canada sent photo attachment “canadiandab.png”  _

  
  


theworldshero: yES CANADA MY BRO 

  
  


England: i 

  
  


Canada: #dabsfordays 

  
  


England: to think that ive been betrayed 

  
  


England: by my own FAMILY 

  
  


_ Italy sent photo attachment “italiandab.png”  _

  
  


_ Japan sent photo attachment “japanesedab.png”  _

  
  


_ Russia sent photo attachment “russiandab.png”  _

  
  


_ China sent photo attachment “chinesedab.png”  _

  
  


theworldshero: OMF G;; 

  
  


theworldshero: eVEN CHINA IM LAUHGNIG 

  
  


China: get fucked, england

  
  


_ England has left the chat.  _

  
  


Germany: What. 

  
  


France: this chat is gold

  
  


Germany: America, what is this? 

  
  


Italy: nice timing germany 

  
  


theworldshero: a random chat thing 

  
  


Germany: But why? 

  
  


Italy: bc we’re cool kids 8) 

  
  


_ theworldshero has added England to “world chat”.  _

  
  


France: wb eyebrows 

  
  


England: fuck you titty croissant 

  
  


Canada: titty croissant 

  
  


theworldshero: titty croissant 

  
  


China: titty croissant 

  
  


Italy: titty croissant 

  
  


Russia: titty croissant 

  
  


_ France has changed username to “tittycroissant”.  _

  
  


tittycroissant: i humbly accept this title 

  
  


Canada: im wheez in g

  
  


_ Canada has changed username to “kumamemejiro”  _

  
  


kumamemejiro: since we’re on the subject of choosing nicknames 

  
  


Russia: what should my name be? 

  
  


England: annoying af man who keeps saying “da” 

  
  


Russia: sooo basically you in bed? 

  
  


England: ??? 

  
  


Russia: “ _ da _ -ddy!  _ da _ -ddy!” 

  
  


theworldshero: omf- 

  
  


Russia: “faster! faster!” 

  
  


kumamemejiro: HOL Y SH IT  

  
  


Italy: dAMN 

  
  


_ Russia has changed username to DA-ddy.  _

  
  


theworldshero: ROASTED AHAHA 

  
  


tittycroissant: russia the grill master 

  
  


_ England has left the chat.  _

  
  


theworldshero: lmaooo not again 

  
  


Japan: poor england. 

  
  


Italy: rip   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I got really inspired after reading this piece of art: http://archiveofourown.org/works/8162422/chapters/18704497 
> 
> and i wanted to do something similar but aph-style 8DD -- warning for serious troll-like and OOC scripts 
> 
> #dabsfordays


	2. emoticons and sluts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Germany learns what emoticons are and America tries to claim his title as the world's greatest slut.

Japan: （＾ｖ＾） 

  
  


Italy: (´∀`) 

  
  


Germany: :) 

  
  


Germany: damn 

  
  


Italy: ヽ(ヅ)ノ 

  
  


theworldshero: oh are we speaking in emoticons again- 

  
  


theworldshero: ┌|ﾟзﾟ|┘

  
  


kumamemejiro: └|ﾟεﾟ|┐

  
  


theworldshero: <333 

  
  


kumamemejiro: <333 

  
  


Germany: :( 

  
  


Japan: pfft 

  
  


China: (｀･ω･´) 

  
  


Germany: how do I- 

  
  


theworldshero: nw i got you bro 

  
  


theworldshero: just copy and paste this ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  
  


Germany: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  
  


Italy: look at the booty 

  
  


tittycroissant: show me the booty 

  
  


kumamemejiro: give me the booty 

  
  


DA-ddy: i want the booty 

  
  


Italy: tbh tho 

  
  


Italy: that german booty 

  
  


theworldshero: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)   

  
  


Germany: I feel uncomfortable. 

  
  


theworldshero: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  
  


Italy: no stop he’s my husbando 

  
  


Italy: ive claimed him and his big berlin 

  
  


Japan: jfc 

  
  


kumamemejiro: i ship it 

  
  


theworldshero: oh wait i forgot- 

  
  


_ theworldshero has added England to “world chat”.  _

  
  


England: this world chat is a mistake. 

  
  


DA-ddy: youre a mistake 

  
  


tittycroissant: GRILL MASTER 

  
  


Japan: savage 

  
  


England: why me 

  
  


theworldshero: bc you disrespected the chat 

  
  


Italy: when in rome… 

  
  


_ England has changed username to “CapnKirk”  _

  
  


CapnKirk: happy 

  
  


theworldshero: ye 

  
  


_ Italy has changed username to “pastaslut01”  _

  
  


kumamemejiro: same honestly 

  
  


theworldshero: ok but real talk 

  
  


theworldshero: who’s the biggest slut of us all here 

  
  


theworldshero: who did the diddly do 

  
  


CapnKirk: certainly not you. 

  
  


tittycroissant: haa that rhymed 

  
  


theworldshero: ok first of all how dare you 

  
  


theworldshero: i’ll have you know that im a superpower and i pretty much dominate the world.

  
  


pastaslut01: wooow ok 

  
  


theworldshero: also im like 193412 times bigger than you so you can shut it captain crunch 

  
  


kumamemejiro: lmao salty af 

  
  


DA-ddy: i mean if we’re talking about size… 

  
  


tittycroissant: whatever braginsky if it’s a slut competition i win 

  
  


CapnKirk: riight because coming back to me is considered slutty 

  
  


kumamemejiro: yIKES 

  
  


tittycroissant: screw you, eyebrows 

  
  


CapnKirk: yes that’s what im saying 

  
  


theworldshero: yall please just accept that i’m the world’s slut 

  
  


_ theworldshero changed username to “theworldsslut”  _

  
  


China: wHOA WHOA WHOA. 

  
  


China: FIRST OF ALL. 

  
  


Japan: oh shit mom’s here 

  
  


China: i’ll have you know that I’ve been doing the “diddly-do” since before you were BORN. 

  
  


Japan: om my go d mom pls 

  
  


China: the silk road aint just for traveling kids 

  
  


tittycroissant: goddamn 

  
  


_ theworldsslut changed username to “theworldshero”  _

  
  


theworldshero: fine i forfeit

  
  


theworldshero: you win old man 

  
  


China: get on my level, scrub. 

  
  
kumamemejiro: you're my idol china 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need ideas for usernames-- uwu" 
> 
> Also China is the bamf old man trope and no one can convince me otherwise


	3. nicknames and a newcomer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cue the Prussian. He makes a short appearance. :/

theworldshero: its been like 3 days

  
  


theworldshero: why do some of you guys not have nicknames still 

  
  


theworldshero: looking at you japan, germany, china 

  
  


tittycroissant: if they dont reply in the next 5 minutes i say we make nicknames for them 

  
  


theworldshero: yE S 

  
  


pastaslut01: can we make germany’s name booty

  
  


_ pastaslut01 sent photo attachment “lookatthatgermanbooty.png”  _

  
  


tittycroissant: holy shit 

  
  


kumamemejiro: you cant argue with that 

  
  


Germany: HEY WHA T 

  
  


theworldshero: lmao perfect timing as always 

  
  


Germany: Italy can you not- 

  
  


pastaslut01: ludwig its like a crime to not look at that perfection 

  
  


tittycroissant: aaanyway since you’re here we’re forcing you to choose a nickname 

  
  


Germany: Seriously? 

  
  


theworldshero: ye man come on 

  
  


Germany: I don’t know though 

  
  


pastaslut01: im going with booty if you don’t make one up 

  
  


Germany: nO STOP 

  
  


kumamemejiro: think of something you like? idk 

  
  


Germany: I like potatoto. 

  
  


theworldshero: potatoto. 

  
  


pastaslut01: poTA TOT O

  
  


Germany: No, wait, that was a typo. 

  
  


tittycroissant: no no pls its perfect 

  
  


German: It sounds stupid. 

  
  


tittycroissant: no shit sherlock and mine doesn’t ?? 

  
  


pastaslut01: do it do it do it do it 

  
  


_ Germany has changed username to “potatoto”  _

  
  


potatoto: I did this with great reluctance. 

  
  


theworldshero: yaaas one of us one of us 

  
  


kumamemejiro: so can we decide japan’s and china’s names now 

  
  


_ China has changed username to “oldmanyao”  _

  
  


_ Japan has changed username to “idkyet”  _

  
  


theworldshero: whoa whoa i can accept oldmanyao but thats unfair 

  
  


idkyet: i’ll think of one 

  
  


tittycroissant: we’d rather peer pressure you to pick one of our names 

  
  


idkyet: hmmm no 

  
  


oldmanyao: i can think of one. 

  
  


oldmanyao: a disappointment 

  
  


DA-ddy: damn that was colder than my winters 

  
  


kumamemejiro: breaking news: kiku gets rOAS TE D 

  
  


idkyet: im hurt 

  
  


_ CapnKirk sent photo attachment “myscones.png”  _

  
  


theworldshero: hOLY MOTHER OF- 

  
  


tittycroissant: brb pukingg 

  
  


CapnKirk: yeah so my stove might be on fire 

  
  


kumamemejiro: jfc hOW?? 

  
  


CapnKirk: i can’t wait an hour for scones to bake. so i put it in for 10 min for 

  
  


kumamemejiro: FOR SIX TIMES THE TEMPERATURE ???

  
  


CapnKirk: no i only doubled it 

  
  


theworldshero: why does your oven go up to 600 plus degrees

  
  


CapnKirk: wtf i dont speak fahrenheit 

  
  


idkyet: actually tbh 

  
  


pastaslut01: why can’t you just submit to the metric system 

  
  


CapnKirk: yeah stop trying to be special 

  
  


theworldshero: ...haters >:( 

  
  


kumamemejiro: k so we’re just ignoring the fact that england’s stove is on fire

  
  


CapnKirk: no its fine it’ll stop eventually like last time 

  
  


kumamemejiro: LAS T TIME 

  
  


theworldshero: how do you even survive 

  
  


theworldshero: wait how did mE and mattie survive 

  
  


DA-ddy: now it all makes sense? 

  
  


pastaslut01: too bad child services wasn’t a thing back in the 1800s

  
  


CapnKirk: rude. 

  
  


tittycroissant: im back and also p sure i was child services 

  
  


potatoto: Hey America, can you add my brother to the chat? 

  
  


CapnKirk: nO GOD PLEASE DON’T. 

  
  


_ theworldshero has added SIXMETERS to “world chat”.  _

  
  


SIXMETERS: hell ye now the party’s started 

  
  


tittycroissant: ayyyyy 

  
  


theworldshero: yaaas leggo 

  
  


DA-ddy: oh? six cm is here 

  
  


SIXMETERS: wO W i feel attacked 

  
  


DA-ddy: :) 

  
  


SIXMETERS: you wanna go kid 

  
  


SIXMETERS: who’s this anyway 

  
  


DA-ddy: it’s russia :) 

  
  


SIXMETERS: … 

  
  


DA-ddy: :) 

  
  


SIXMETERS: adios

  
  


_ SIXMETERS has left the chat.  _

  
  


tittycroissant: ahh bby come back 

  
  


idkyet: wow. 

  
  


theworldshero: this reminds me tho 

  
  


theworldshero: we should add more people?? 

  
  


kumamemejiro: noo that sounds like too many notifications 

  
  


CapnKirk: please don’t. 

  
  


theworldshero: but then some people would feel left out :( 

  
  


pastaslut01: you do realize you aren’t the only one who’s started a group chat

  
  


theworldshero: what 

  
  


idkyet: yeah like i mean i have a chat with the asian nations 

  
  


theworldshero: w HA T 

  
  


idkyet: we call the group the asian sensations. 

  
  


theworldshero: N O WHAT 

  
  


kumamemejiro: lmao 

  
  


theworldshero: :( 

  
  


tittycroissant: if it makes you feel any better i’ll start one with you, america 

  
  


theworldshero: do you all seriously have another group chat other than this one?? 

  
  


DA-ddy: mhm 

  
  


potatoto: Yes. 

  
  


pastaslut01: ofc dude 

  
  


theworldshero: you’re all traitors. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'll do the next chapter on a different group chat-- 
> 
> //violently coughs ASIAN SENSATIONS


	4. introducing the asian sensations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hong Kong makes China watch the bee movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did it. Here's their codenames: 
> 
> South Korea- boobstho   
> Japan- weebtrash  
> Hong Kong- rarestpepe  
> Taiwan- datboi  
> China- MOM   
> Thailand- dumbo  
> Vietnam- edgelord
> 
> Ooh boy this is the longest one yet

rarestpepe: mom i need you 

  
  


rarestpepe: mooom 

  
  


datboi: //helps summon mom with you 

  
  


MOM: you called, children? 

  
  


rarestpepe: yeah look at this 

  
  


_ rarestpepe sent attachment “beemovie.mov”  _

  
  


edgelord: No. 

  
  


rarestpepe: yes. 

  
  


MOM: hk if this is another one of your memes i s2g 

  
  


rarestpepe: pls mom 

  
  


rarestpepe: don’t you love me 

  
  


dumbo: oh no mom don’t 

  
  


datboi: oh mY GOD ITS THE BEE MOVIE 

  
  


datboi: this is seriously my favorite movie mom watch it 

  
  


MOM: i’m getting conflicting sides here 

  
  


rarestpepe: this is your purpose in life 

  
  


rarestpepe: you will find all the answers to the universe in this one hour and 30 min movie 

  
  


MOM: i 

  
  


MOM: fine afk then 

  
  


edgelord: hk you’re such a sinner. 

  
  


rarestpepe: ty 

  
  


boobstho:  What’s™ going™ on™

  
  


dumbo: why 

  
  


rarestpepe: jfc you can’t keep doing this yong soo 

  
  


boobstho: I™ don’t™ know™ what™ you’re™ talking™ about™ 

  
  


dumbo: dude  _ please  _

  
  


weebtrash: really you’re doing the trademark thing still 

  
  


boobstho: !!! YOU™ USED™ **YOU’RE™**!! 

  
  


boobstho: pay up bitch 

  
  


datboi: :/ 

  
  


MOM: ok AY update on the movie-- bee is feeling attraction to hum a n?? 

  
  


datboi: relatable 

  
  


boobstho: ooo mom’s watching bee movie 

  
  


edgelord: HK STOP. 

  
  


rarestpepe: ? 

  
  


edgelord: you know what i’m talking about. Your stories on snapchat. They’re too long. 

  
  


rarestpepe: then don’t watch them hater 

  
  


edgelord: i cAN’T STAND IT BEING UNOPENED. ALSO ALL YOUR SNAPS CONSIST OF MEMES. 

  
  


datboi: same 

  
  


edgelord: OR WEIRD, BLURRY ZOOMED IN FACES. STOP. 

  
  


datboi: lol im cracking up irl hahhaa 

  
  


rarestpepe: ;) 

  
  


MOM: next update-- lmao he’s suing the human race. gg 

  
  


rarestpepe: ok but at least im not like thai over here 

  
  


rarestpepe: it’s just thousands of selfies with him and his elephants

  
  


dumbo: i like elephants… 

  
  


boobstho: tfw you have problematic snapchats 

  
  


edgelord: sk don’t make me start on yours. 

  
  


MOM: fucking lawyer what an ass 

  
  


Datboi: pfft- 

  
  


weebtrash: hey apparently america thinks he’s the only one who has a groupchat 

  
  


rarestpepe: uh 

  
  


weebtrash: he wants in on this group so imma add him real quick- 

  
  


edgelord: what. 

  
  


_ weebtrash has added theworldshero to “Asian Sensations”.  _

  
  


theworldshero: sup homeboys 

  
  


datboi: hey america!! 

  
  


rarestpepe: o k 

  
  


MOM: they used a WH O L E HOSPITAL BED for O NE BEE.  

  
  


Theworldshero: ahh wow throwback to 2008 

  
  


_ boobstho sent photo attachment “kimchiforlunch.png”  _

  
  


rarestpepe: yup on my way to yong soo’s house pron t o 

  
  


dumbo: omg that makes me so horny 

  
  


dumbo: no wait- 

  
  


rarestpepe: omfg 

  
  


rarestpepe: did thai just 

  
  


dumbo: **HUNGRY 

  
  


datboi: hE D I D OM HY GOD 

  
  


weebtrash: it’s always the quiet ones 

  
  


edgelord: Shaaame. 

  
  


dumbo: n O PLEASE 

  
  


MOM: do we need to have the sex talk thailand 

  
  


dumbo: it was autocorrect D: 

  
  


rarestpepe: suuuure 

  
  


boobstho: k but why would your phone correct it to that 

  
  


rarestpepe: lmao im screenshotting all of this 

  
  


dumbo: fml 

  
  


edgelord: wow. that was like the closest thai has ever got to swearing 

  
  


datboi: he’s changing 

  
  


rarestpepe: its puberty 

  
  


boobstho: gasps put a dollar in the swear jar 

  
  


rarestpepe: mom ground him 

  
  


MOM: h OW IS IT THAT ALL THE BEES CAN LAND A PLANE 

  
  


MOM: LIKE 

  
  


MOM: THEY HAVE THE STRENGTH TO LITERALLY LIFT THE ENTIRE PL AN E 

  
  


MOM: I QUIT 

  
  


datboi: noo keep watching 

  
  


theworldshero: interesting 

  
  


_ theworldshero has left the chat.  _

  
  


datboi: oookay? 

  
  


MOM: so the bee and woman hook up in the end? 

  
  


MOM: kinky 

  
  


datboi: hahahaha 

  
  


rarestpepe: isn’t it a treasure 

  
  


MOM: when’s the sequel

  
  


rarestpepe: asking the real questions 

  
  


_ edgelord sent photo attachment “gangnamstyle.png”  _

  
  


edgelord: look it’s you sk. 

  
  


boobstho: for fucks sake 

  
  


dumbo: ew that song 

  
  


boobstho: that was fOUR YEARS A G O 

  
  


MOM: hey guys i can do the gangnam style 

  
  


rarestpepe: pics or it didnt happen 

  
  


_ MOM sent video attachment “chinagangnamstyle.mov”  _

  
  


rarestpepe: holy s hit 

  
  


datboi: i spat out my drink 

  
  


rarestpepe: no but this is actually the whole video parody with china as psy 

  
  


rarestpepe: omfg kIK U IN THE BACKGRO UND 

  
  


boobstho: not gonna lie this is actually good 

  
  


weebtrash: china seriously 

  
  


weebtrash: i thought you deleted this 

  
  


edgelord: gg 

  
  


MOM: thats right bitches mom’s got moves 


	5. super smash tournament??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Japan finds a new nickname and America plans to hold a super smash tournament

pastaslut01: hahaha rip america am i right hahahaa :) 

  
  


tittycroissant: hoo boy tbh it sounds p rough 

  
  


theworldshero: stfu 

  
  


theworldshero: we’re not talking about this 

  
  


DA-ddy: someone’s in a pissy mood 

  
  


CapnKirk: yeah well when you’ve got an orange asshat in charge… i wouldn’t blame him. 

  
  


theworldshero: 2016 can fuck off 

  
  


pastaslut01: the only thing good that came out of it was the memes 

  
  


DA-ddy: i agree 

  
  


potatoto: Hey guys what are we doing 

  
  


theworldshero: dying inside

  
  


pastaslut01: eating 

  
  


tittycroissant: drinking lmao 

  
  


idkyet: im playing this rip-off game of donkey kong 

  
  


CapnKirk: wtf japan 

  
  


tittycroissant: that was really random.. 

  
  


idkyet: it’s called konkey dong 

  
  


theworldshero: pfft wHAT HAHA 

  
  


pastaslut01: same japan oh ym god 

  
  


DA-ddy: it should’ve been called harambe 

  
  


theworldshero: petition to change japan’s name to either harambe or konkey dong 

  
  


_ Japan has changed username to “konkey_dong”  _

  
  


DA-ddy: :( 

  
  


DA-ddy: why not harambe 

  
  


konkey_dong: bc i wouldn’t be able to handle the pressure of living up to his name 

  
  


theworldshero: RIP harambe 

  
  


kumamemejiro: sup losers 

  
  


kumamemejiro: guess what i did today

  
  


theworldshero: soo anybody up for a super smash tournament in the meeting room tomorrow? I’m bringing my wii- 

  
  


pastaslut01: it is so fucking on america 

  
  


konkey_dong: i will annihilate you 

  
  


CapnKirk: jesus that’s intense 

  
  


kumamemejiro: ?? k when like after the meeting or before ? 

  
  


oldmanyao: did someone say super smash tournament 

  
  


DA-ddy: nO NO go away man 

  
  


oldmanyao: let’s go 

  
  


DA-ddy: don’t do it 

  
  


theworldshero: hell yes fight me china 

  
  


DA-ddy: bruh 

  
  


kumamemejiro: ok so i dont mean to intrude but i think i just got ignored tWI CE 

  
  


konkey_dong: who’s your main anyway china 

  
  


oldmanyao: the wii fit trainer obviously. 

  
  


pastaslut01: why am i not surprised 

  
  


theworldshero: i’M CAPTAIN FALCON 

  
  


DA-ddy: ^ when no one asked you 

  
  


kumamemejiro: guess what my main is? 

  
  


kumamemejiro: it’s called FUCKING NOTICE ME ASSHOLES 

  
  


tittycroissant: hey it’s matthew 

  
  


theworldshero: who? 

  
  


DA-ddy: did someone hear something? 

  
  


theworldshero: must’ve been the wind 

  
  


_ kumamemejiro has left the chat.  _

  
  


tittycroissant: :’) 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was kinda short? sorry- 
> 
> fun fact: my sister and I happened across the game "konkey dong" and couldn't stop laughing and its been a running gag in my family ever since.


	6. Stop! It's Spamano time.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Literally Spain being smooth af and Romano can't handle it.

theworldshero: happy thanksgiving yall 

  
  


CapnKirk: literally no one but you celebrates that 

  
  


theworldshero: aaand who gets to eat a shit ton of food and get off work? 

  
  


theworldshero: suck it england 

  
  


pastaslut01: ok but actually important breaking news- 

  
  


pastaslut01: romano might just have confessed his undying love for spain 

  
  


theworldshero: hOLY

  
  


tittycroissant: sacré bleu  

  
  


potatoto: Oh my god. I’ve waited for this all my life 

  
  


pastaslut01: when germany’s been a secret spamano shipper this whole time 

  
  


theworldshero: i’m gonna add the love birds <33 

  
  


_ theworldshero has added hasta la pasta and tomato-bastard to “world chat”.  _

  
  


pastaslut01: yO WHEN’S THE WEDDING?? 

  
  


hasta la pasta: you can fuck right off feliciano 

  
  


tittycroissant: my beautiful bby boys have all grown up :’))) 

  
  


theworldshero: #OTP 

  
  


hasta la pasta: i did not sign up for this harassment 

  
  


CapnKirk: how’d he even ask you out 

  
  


hasta la pasta: he plagued me with a bunch of shitty pick up lines until i got sick of it. 

  
  


theworldshero: you got a fancy schmancy date night planned yet? 

  
  


hasta la pasta: how does one even d at e

  
  


tomato-bastard: Come with me to a movie and I’ll show you

  
  


pastaslut01: DAMN that was smooth af 

  
  


tittycroissant: i taught him that 

  
  


hasta la pasta: that’s nothing look at all of these convos we’ve been having

  
  


_ hasta la pasta sent photo attachment(s) “tomato bastard’s pick up lines.png”  _

  
  


DA-ddy: fuck me 

  
  


oldmanyao: spain’s got moves 

  
  


hasta la pasta: he’s a cheesy asshole. 

  
  


tomato-bastard: Yep. I melt at the sight of you :) 

  
  


theworldshero: WOW where can I get me one of those?? 

  
  


pastaslut01: germany take note 

* * *

 

_ Photo attachment #1:  _

 

tomato-bastard: Hey

  
  


hasta la pasta: what

  
  


tomato-bastard: hey romano 

  
  


hasta la pasta: what. 

  
  


tomato-bastard: You should come over to my place ;) 

  
  


hasta la pasta: i have too much work to do 

  
  


tomato-bastard: Why don’t you do me for a change? 

  
  


hasta la pasta: fucking asshat you drive me up a wall 

  
  


tomato-bastard: ;))) 

 

hasta la pasta: goodbYE BASTARD 

  
  


tomato-bastard: ily!

* * *

 

_ Photo attachment #2:  _

 

hasta la pasta: hey wanna go check out this art museum with me 

  
  


tomato-bastard: ...with you? 

  
  


hasta la pasta: who else dumbass

  
  


tomato-bastard: I don’t really want to go.. :( 

  
  


hasta la pasta: ??? why not 

  
  


tomato-bastard: I won’t be able to hold your hand 

  
  


tomato-bastard: you aren’t allowed to touch the masterpieces :( 

  
  


hasta la pasta: dammit fucking bitch face fuck face

* * *

 

_ Photo attachment #3:  _

 

tomato-bastard: Sigh 

  
  


tomato-bastard: so I found this really pretty thing but 

  
  


hasta la pasta: then buy it. 

  
  


tomato-bastard: but you don’t have a price tag. 

  
  


tomato-bastard: maybe it’s because you’re priceless? :/ 

  
  


hasta la pasta: one of these days i s2g i’m gonna smooth talk you so good you don’t know what hit you 

  
  


hasta la pasta: ...it’s just really hard 

  
  


tomato-bastard: really? Can I come over and help? ;)

* * *

 

_ Photo attachment #4:  _

 

hasta la pasta: sHIT I just burned my tongue 

  
  


hasta la pasta: my pasta’s too hot 

  
  


tomato-bastard: You’re too hot and I’m still able to eat you. 

  
  


hasta la pasta: you’re such a piece of trash 

  
  


tomato-bastard: if you care about the environment you’d pick me up then, right? 

  
  


tomato-bastard: <33 

  
  


hasta la pasta: i give up. I’ll come around 8-ish.

* * *

 

_ Photo attachment #5:  _

 

tomato-bastard: Are you listed on the McDonald’s menu? Because you’re McGorgeous and I’d love to have you for take-out 

  
  


tomato-bastard: Are you a piece of art? Bc i’d love to nail you up against a wall 

  
  


tomato-bastard: Are you a roller coaster? Because I’d really like to ride you right now.

  
  


hasta la pasta: it’s really chilly at home. I need you to warm up. 

  
  


hasta la pasta: you know because you’re hot

  
  


tomato-bastard: I’m so proud of you babe 

  
  


hasta la pasta: yeah i fucking tried now are you coming

  
  


tomato-bastard: Not until you do. 

  
  


hasta la pasta: fuck 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah sorry I hardcore ship Spamano


	7. FrUk and GerIta happens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's FrUk and GerIta in here. China wants grandkids. Totally inappropriate flirting. More insults of English cuisine.

CapnKirk: so I went out on a blind date right

 

 

kumamemejiro: ooooh~

 

 

theworldshero: ok hold up why am i just hearing about it n o w

 

 

CapnKirk: stfu I’m telling it now aren’t I

 

 

CapnKirk: anyway. I get to the cafe, sit down in the seat, and guess who had the utter bALLS to sit across from me

 

 

tittycroissant: you do know i can see this too- 

 

 

tittycroissant: and fyi your big-ass eyebrows weren’t something i was looking forward to either. >:(

 

 

pastaslut01: lmaoo i ship it 

 

 

kumamemejiro: excuse you i’ve been shipping it for centuries and i already dubbed it

 

 

kumamemejiro: FrUk 

 

 

theworldshero: yeah so skip to the good part when did the  _ fruking  _ happen? -insert booty face here-

 

 

CapnKirk: no i walked right the fuck out of that place

 

 

tittycroissant: and then… 

 

 

oldmanyao: ah. young love. 

 

 

oldmanyao: i hoped you kids used protection 

 

 

CapnKirk: asdfj; did you hEAR ME. there was NO activity at ALL 

 

 

tittycroissant: except… 

 

 

theworldshero:  ahh i got you bonnefoy-- nice, nice 

 

 

CapnKirk: bloody hell quit it with the suggestive ellipses 

 

 

kumamemejiro: spring has sprung and love is in the air 

 

 

oldmanyao: see japan i’ve been telling you to settle down

 

 

oldmanyao: i want grandkids dammit 

 

 

konkey_dong: yongsoo and hk are already your grandsons china 

 

 

oldmanyao: frickin disappointments. I want cute children. 

 

 

pastaslut01: *hASTILY COUGHS*

 

 

pastaslut01: im still here, beilschmidt 

 

 

potatoto: ? 

 

 

pastaslut01: come over, germany 

 

 

potatoto: I’m working in my garden. 

 

 

pastaslut01: i’m all alone ;) 

 

 

potatoto: I suppose if you’re looking for company… I’m peeling my potatoes at your house, then. 

 

 

pastaslut01: sigh 

 

 

DA-ddy: that was so depressing even i couldn’t laugh at that. 

 

 

theworldshero: lmao yall have fun with your increasing sexual tensions

 

 

theworldshero: i’ll be over here chilling with some popcorn 

 

 

kumamemejiro: that’s his excuse for saying he can’t hit any booty 

 

 

theworldshero: excuse me?

 

 

kumamemejiro: ...nothing 

 

 

potatoto: Hey Feliciano 

 

 

pastaslut01: huh? are you here yet? the door’s unlocked so you can just come in

 

 

potatoto: Are you sure?

 

 

pastaslut01: uh yeah what do you want a formal invitation 

 

 

potatoto: Just so you know, it’ll be hard to stop from there. 

 

 

potatoto: Your house isn’t the only thing I’ll be coming in tonight.

 

 

CapnKirk: jesus christ. 

 

 

theworldshero: im choking on this burger 911 

 

 

pastaslut01: O H 

 

 

tittycroissant: Damn when did germany up his game?? 

 

 

pastaslut01: 0 to 100 real quick i don’t know how to handle this

 

 

theworldshero: no im actually choking hELP- 

 

 

potatoto: I’ll be coming in the back entrance~ ;) 

 

 

pastaslut01: in all my centuries i never thought this day would come

 

 

CapnKirk: what the actual shit are you high mate- 

 

 

potatoto: Hope your door’s big enough to take in all six meters of me <33

 

 

pastaslut01: wait 

 

 

pastaslut01: wait just a fuckin minute- 

 

 

pastaslut01: did you say six. meters. 

 

 

potatoto: Overwhelmed? We can take it slow, babe ;) 

 

 

pastaslut01: GILBERT. OFCOURSEAKDAFSL;

 

 

pastaslut01: you sly snAKE 

 

 

potatoto: Excuse me. Didn’t you hear me say six meters? Ludwig’s amazing and awesome brother is seven meters so 

 

 

CapnKirk: Oh god. Are you literally flirting for your brother right now. 

 

 

tittycroissant: tbh it was going well up until you had to bring out the meters

 

 

pastaslut01: i dont know if i should feel disgusted or flattered but besides that

 

 

pastaslut01: get off germany’s phone you piece of shit tomato 

 

 

pastaslut01: you overboiled piece of spaghetti. That’s right. You’re the pasta that no one bothered to salt the water and they closed the lid on you. And then they rinsed you in cold water after taking you out. And they put frickin canola oil instead of olive. Because they hate. your. guts. 

 

 

oldmanyao: goddamn and here i thought i was the only one who insulted people through my food 

 

 

potatoto: My feelings are hurt. D: 

 

 

pastaslut01: sayonara, 6 cm 

 

 

DA-ddy: ayy he used my insult :) 

 

 

_ potatoto has left the chat.  _

 

 

kumamemejiro: too bad. y’all would have been a nice pairing. 

 

 

tittycroissant: gerita. Like germany and italy 

 

 

CapnKirk: Nice one

 

 

pastaslut01: </3

 

 

DA-ddy: hey you know what you and america should be paired as?

 

 

DA-ddy: UsUk

 

 

Da-ddy: bc you suck. 

 

 

CapnKirk: Wow I’m so hurt 

 

 

theworldshero: my eyes are bleeding 

 

 

theworldshero: first im choking and now im literally blinded by what im seeing

 

 

tittycroissant: ew but let’s actually not give them the pretense of a romantic relationship? 

 

 

kumamemejiro: coughcough iNCEST coughcough 

 

 

theworldshero: russia. bro. don’t ever talk to me or my 50 states ever again. 

 

 

DA-ddy: I only wanted to insult kirkland. Im actually an avid supporter of FrUk ok-

 

 

theworldshero: now i’m thinking of our honeymoon. Actually i wouldn’t even last that long. He’d poison me on the first date 

 

 

tittycroissant: mon cher you have no idea

 

 

CapnKirk: why do I get the feeling that I am being attacked yet aGAIN 

 

 

kumamemejiro: if the world was to explode would we honestly think of saving any english food

 

 

DA-ddy: no. 

 

 

theworldshero: pfft no

 

 

tittycroissant: it wouldn’t even cross my mind.

 

 

pastaslut01: that’s? A waste of time? 

 

 

konkey_dong: sorry england, but no. 

 

 

oldmanyao: are you kidding me 

 

 

CapnKirk: Gee, thanks guys. I feel the love. 

 

 

theworldshero: we would obviously save mcdonalds first 

 

 

tittycroissant: great, so instead of the world exploding-- we can die of heart attack. 

 

 

pastaslut01: let’s be honest carbs are god’s gift to mankind. And what does italy have? Pasta and bread, so suck it noobs 

 

 

tittycroissant: excuse moi are we going to forget the staple that is fRENCH CUISINE. We clearly reign in pastries, so. 

 

 

konkey_dong: i have sushi

 

 

oldmanyao: listen up dipshits

 

 

oldmanyao: if we are saving anyones food. It’s mine. Do I need to explain more.

 

 

kumamemejiro: mmm nope. I can go with that.

 

 

theworldshero: tbh hell yeah i love chinese food 

 

 

CapnKirk: you count fortune cookies. As chinese food. 

 

 

theworldshero: cuz fortune cookies are hella dope 8D

 

 

CapnKirk: hold on a sec

 

  
CapnKirk: I’m trying to find a facepalm emoji on this phone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don't want to feel like I'm insulting English/British cuisine? All in good fun-- everyone's food is great. 
> 
> Also I bashed UsUk. I feel no remorse. Psst also giving ideas is always appreciated because I'm not that creative :U


End file.
